Honey, We Need To Talk

How communication can make or break your relationship

If you’re in a relationship and you sometimes have trouble communicating with your partner, this is the read for you! Everyone can suffer from a lack of good communication. That doesn’t instantly make you a bad fit for your partner. It just means you’re human and that there is always room to grow.

Having effective communication is one of the major reasons for a couple’s success.

Why write about it? Well because, the way to communicate effectively does not seem to be common knowledge. Otherwise, we wouldn’t have these high rates of separations and divorces on the increase worldwide.

A common question I get asked is: Why do you think I am so bad at communicating in my relationship?
One reason you might be struggling to communicate is because something painful happened in your relationship, current or previous  that hasn’t been fully resolved within yourself or between you. …
Try to bring these questions up, process your thoughts and feelings  and explore what you both need when it comes to open and honest communication. You’ll likely find that you have different answers! 
Another reason why your talks are not successful is if you do it with a rough voice, with anger and resentment instead of compassion and a receptive attitude. It is also important to listen to what the other person has to say and not react immediately, but slowly try to understand the reasoning and if need be, do not voice your opinion right away, if your emotions are clouding your communication skills.

Photos: Denis Aljush
Outfit: Gisele Couture Malta
Location: Hilton Malta



Here are  six keys to help you work on with your partner:

1. Be straightforward about where you’re at.

Once you actually set an appropriate time in a peaceful environment to discuss issues you wish to improve on, try to speak clearly and be honest about how you are feeling. One way to do this effectively is by starting your sentences with ” I Feel That ” … ” ” I believe that if ” instead of taking the Attack and Furious Approach ” You re this and you re that !” you probably get a lack of contribution from your partner into the conversation.

2. Set standards and your boundaries

If you create certain standards based on core values and integrity, setting certain boundaries, then both sides of the relationship know when one has stepped over the line and is playing with “fire”.

3. Be intentional in getting to know your partner

One of the biggest problems is that when a time for communicating is created, one of the partners is just not really interested in getting to know their partner and therefore the relationship can remain very superficial and more often than not, does not last long term. People engage more and feel more close to the other half, when they feel that he or she actually cares about them and are not in a relationship for something other than love and respect.

Remember that kissing and passionate sex are amazing, but if there is not a deep care for one another, what will happen when the kissing stops and the sex slows down for reasons that are beyond one’s control, such as anxiety or bad health?



4. Make sure your partner knows you only have them on your mind

It is terrible when you feel you are not the most important person for your partner. Make sure you feel that way yourself and make sure you tell your partner you care about that there is no one else you wish to be close to.

5. When you’re hurt about something, don’t be passive-aggressive

It is crucial to speak truly and calmly about the way you are feeling and thinking. Snapping wildly at someone without saying why is not going to get you to the desired result you are hoping for – ie feeling better about being hurt.

6. Kill insecurity at its roots

Insecurity is one huge reason for break ups. They are the roots for jealousy, infidelity, anger, fear, anxiety and so much more. By showing you mean business and are not there to waste someone else’s time, you then create a strong bond between you that is very difficult to penetrate. No third person can come into the way of a strong couple who are secure individually about eachother.

Communication leads to sharing and bonding. Remaining close to your partner by sharing thoughts and feelings will help you get through challenging times when life tries to pull you apart.

If it’s your partner who has a difficult time opening up, discuss this lack of communication with him/her. Be comforting and sincere when you say that you are open to discussing any issues, thoughts or feelings he/she has. Don’t belittle your partner or make him/her regret opening up to you when he/she feels comfortable, because that could make your partner stop trusting you and cease communication.

Professional Help

If you and your partner have issues with communication, it may be best to seek counselling. If either of you is unable to open up and discuss the things that are bothering you, then it may be beneficial to have a third party help you focus on issues and work through them. This will remove the fear that each of you has and give you a safe environment to overcome the obstacles in your relationship. In addition, a counselor will be able to teach you both effective communication skills so you can continue to work on your relationship for many years to come.

I hope this article has helped someone out there today.

Wish you well in your relationships with others but most importantly with yourself.

Once you know and understand yourself, your fears, your triggers, your repeated patterns, you are then able to work through your relationships with others with more wisdom, and grace.

Much Love



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