I ain’t taking no SH** no more!
Hello everyone. How many of us have suffered and some of us still do suffer from too much work load or abusive relationships? If we observe our situations from an external viewpoint looking inwards, when we detach ourselves from our feelings for a little while to investigate on the reasons and consequences of years of abuse, we will realise that we can no longer blame others for our situation, but we have to point the finger back to ourselves for making the wrong decisions and not using one very short word in our extensive vocabulary – that is the word “NO”.
Photos: by Carlo Jourdan at Rocco’s Whiskey Bar
Wearing River Island
I personally have been there, I’ve experienced several situations of too much work load against silly salaries back in the day: It was me there saying “Yes” to all the tasks given to me because I wanted to prove I could do them and I didn’t want to risk losing my safe paying job. I was scared and fearful of facing the situations in the face. Time and years of experience have taught me a great deal.
In my personal life and love experiences, I have had to say No many times and I still do today, even with my lovely husband. If there is something that I feel goes against my will or beliefs, I will put my foot down and discuss alternative options, with good attitude and peace. What are you like as a person? Do you say Yes to everything or Do you sometimes not accept your current situation or offering?
THINK ABOUT IT
Saying “NO” can help you stick to your morals and values, while also allowing the right person for the job to take over. There’s no dishonour in saying “no” to that next project that will push you over the edge and that you just don’t have the time to dedicate to getting it done.
To allow you to feel more comfortable refusing work without fearing the consequences, I’m hereby sharing some of the instances in which it is appropriate to say “no” in either the workplace or in your relationships. I hope you find them useful in your daily lives.
My main objective behind this blog with pretty and powerful images of this power suit outfit is to remind you as your sister or messenger that cares for you is that you hold your own power, ladies and gents, to become the creators of your dream life, your dream reality, so if things don’t feel right deep in your gutt about work or your relationship, then for your own sake, do something about it now before too many years pass and you waste precious time doing something else that could be fabulous or be with a person or company that could make you feel better about yourself and your values.
1. When It Negatively Impacts Your Performance
“No” is that word we are so often afraid of saying, and it’s a word we need to use more. Instead of focusing on the best way to meet the desired outcome for the objective, we fear saying “no” and end up taking on projects or tasks that are often counterproductive, they can slow us down or hold back the performance of the company. It’s your responsibility to say “no.” If not for your sanity, do it for the sake of your company.
2. If It Goes Against Your Values
Short of doing something illegal, one instance in which it is appropriate for professionals to say “no” is when something they have been asked to do goes against their core values. It could be selling a product or concept that you are not OK with selling. The thought gives you a pain in your stomach. When moral principles are challenged, say “no I’m not up for this” and be OK with the consequence. If your boss or company does not respect your values, they do not value you as a person. On the otherhand, if you don’t say “no” to something that feels unethical, then you do not value yourself.
3. To Set Boundaries
In some cases, we actually condition others how to treat us at work and in our personal lives too. If you don’t set yourself up to be the person of least resistance, the person who never ever says “no,” even when already overloaded. That really increases the probability that the person asking will come back to you the next time. For your health’ s sake and to show you have your own strong voice, practice saying “no”. What I do recommend is that you be prepared with an alternative approach or an alternative time frame or a reason why No. And be sure to say it with a smile or a soft spoken manner. It works many a time!
4. When Too Much Is Really Too Much
Say “no” when it’s truly not realistic for you to take on one more job. How many professionals will never say no and get to the point where nothing is getting done well? It is done half-hearted or in a mad rush or just to get that ticked off the to-do list. If you are doing this, this can damage your reputation and the success of the project, team or even the company you work for. I highly recommend that when this is the state you are in, book in some time out of the office space perhaps, and discuss your reasoning with your manager and then there will be more potential to reprioritise.
Does this mindset and tip work the same in a relationship with an abusive partner? Heck yes! If you are feeling stuck with a person who is driving you up the wall, part of this situation and the reaction to it, it is the way you are reacting to it and handling the outcome. It is in your head and in your heart, so you must look at the situation from an outsider’s point of view. You ask yourself the right questions such as “why do I feel this way?” “How can I communicate better my feelings?” “ Can we find a solution to our problems?” “What is the worse thing that can happen if I do have this dreaded conversation?” Am I ready to face the consequences. Then once you have thought all these things in your mind and you have found a calm space in yourself, you make an appointment to talk to your partner/friend/ husband about it.
Thinking things through and communicating them will make wonders for anything. I am learning so much about this strength now in my forties. Had I known in my twenties, I would have suffered much much less!! That is why I wish to share my thoughts. They might help someone out there who just needs a little guidance and a little spruce of courage!
5. When it makes me a better boss
I want my team members to be honest with me and tell me the truth. I will listen and consider their issues and if they have a good reasoning, then I will go back and find an alternative solution. It helps me delegate, assign tasks, and position people in the company when I know what parts of their job they feel invigorated by and which parts they don’t enjoy doing. I have learnt from excellent entrepreneurs I had as mentors that encouraging an open dialogue around their tasks and roles helps me be a better boss. If they let me know what things feel like a strong “no” for them, then I am aware and I can do something about it.
6. If You’re Not The Right Person For The Task at Hand
If a professional personreceives a request to perform something outside his or her skill set, then it’s appropriate and I must add necessary to say “no.”
This is when a gracious, “I am not certain I am best for the job, but have you considered Person Z” would be an appropriate answer.
7. When Your Integrity Is On The Line
Last but not least, this is one close to my heart, especially as a woman having worked in a man’s world for many many years. Saying “no” to something means that there is a breach of your personal and professional integrity.
Sometimes you even have to kind of “fight” to have someone listen to your voice or opinion. However, the important point here is that Integrity is about trust. Maintaining trust is about being honest and respectful to yourself and others. When your integrity is on the line, saying “No” is a wonderful way to keep trust and once boundaries are set, then so many other Yes tasks are done wholeheartedly, because you feel respected in your field.
Same in a relationship. To me, integrity is living by the same rules I would hope others live by. Deciding what my core values are like honesty, respect, etc and sticking to them whether I’m applying them to how you treat yourself or anyone else. No double standards, personal responsibility, and a commitment to stick to the standards I want to see in the world even when no one else is looking or would ever know if I would let things slide.
Standing up for what you belief in and not just expecting everyone else to deal with it all or sort it out for you is part and parcel of the human being you become over time.
TIME TO THINK and OBSERVE YOUR OWN LIFE
So to conclude this BLOG, I would just ask you to think about these few points I have raised and think to yourself, Do I say No enough? Why not? Is it an old pattern that I wish to change? What can I do about it? How can I do it carefully?
Hope you have enjoyed this. I love you all and look forward to connecting with you all soon
Xxx
Grazielle
