Hi everyone. What a wonderful experience we are living! Life – as a human being – WOW! Isn’t it amazing how we can create the life we choose by the choices we make and by the actions we go for? So, following the awesome feedback received from my previous life coaching blogs “ Confidence is the new beautiful”, “Gratititude” and my top article “How to stay motivated”, I thought of discussing the subject SHYNESS! I believe that it is a barrier that comes with lack of courage. Many men and women suffer from it,and thus block themselves from achieving their full potential in their lives including loving relationships, successful careers, the life of their dreams.
When I was younger, I know you might not believe me, but Grazielle Camilleri as a ten-year-old was quite SHY in many areas of her personal life and mostly because she put it in her tiny hard-headed head that she was inferior to others in some ways. She felt physically smaller than her friends as she was of a “petite” size when compared to her other girlfriends and she felt many times that she did not fit in. She would have anxiety attacks before meeting her friends in public places. And the Lord knows how many times she preferred to stay home to watch movies instead of facing her fears in the real world!
When you are younger and you lack self-confidence, everything is so much harder. I also felt, with the lack of the internet that there is today and with not so many older girlfriends to turn to, that I had no one to confide in except my parents for my mental insecurities, and you know how it is with parents – there are some subjects you might wish to avoid too!! So it was through my experience with life – all its ups and downs and learning curves – that my SHYNESS is something I eventually HAD TO overcome – either that or it would not allow me to be ME and to be FREE to become better.
Can you imagine that when I was faced with talking to a guy I fancied I would not be able to speak properly, I would hide away from a good conversation, and I had created so many fearful ghosts in my mind that I failed in many ways to attract what I wanted. It was not that I was NOT ENOUGH. It was that I did not have SELF LOVE and SELF CONFIDENCE.
Time and experience and lots of pain and gain has led me to the place I am today and I wish to help people who are searching for some guidance on the internet from someone they know or someone they trust. So let’s begin to look at it more closely and take from it what you wish. If we are to overcome something, we have to see where it stems from in the first place right. We ask the questions …
What are the Causes of My Shyness?
I believe that shyness is a symptom. With shyness, the deeper fears are related to rejection and insecurity. We long for acceptance. We feel extremely conscious about our self-image. Our egos would have us believe that we need to be smarter, better looking or more perfect. We fear emotional death if we get rejected. As a result, we become slow to smile. We give weak handshakes, not because we are insincere about making new friends but because we are not confident about ourselves. We worry that what we say will not be received well.
Being shy can make us feel terrible and weak. It affects our ability to make or develop friendships, getting a successful sale, making smooth presentations and the list will go on. It is a state that limits us from being the best version of who we truly are and can be. It affects our capacity to be expansive and hence, manifest abundance for ourselves.
How to Overcome Shyness
If you are shy, don’t feel bad. Many people suffer from some form of social anxiety. However, don’t allow shyness to hold you back from speaking up when there is a need to. Honestly we all have strengths and I’m sure you have many yourself and you are not currently seeing them!
My 7 tips to overcome shyness and be more confident:
Tip No #1: Appreciate your UNIQUENESS
As you probably know, everyone is unique and different. Instead of feeling conscious about what you are not, embrace who you are – and learn to love yourself and your UNIQUE gifts. When you learn to embrace your uniqueness, you will have more confidence to face each day, each month, each year.
“Our uniqueness, our individuality, and our life experience molds us into fascinating beings. I hope we can embrace that. I pray we may all challenge ourselves to delve into the deepest resources of our hearts to cultivate an atmosphere of understanding, acceptance, tolerance, and compassion. We are all in this life together. “ Linda Thompson
Tip no #2: Take Deep breaths or Meditate .
When you are in situations where you feel shyness is trying to takeover, it can be helpful to eithertake a moment somewhere to take deep breaths in and out imagining you are exhaling bad energy outwards. This will help you to clear your mind, give you some time to gain composure and avoid a type of anxiety attack. Another good way to face shyness is to meditate a few minutes a day with the intention of calming your mind to enhance the clarity and overall picture of your life situation.
Tip no #3: Work on deeper fears.
This is very important. I often asked myself “What am I shy off? What am I scared of? Take shyness as a symptom for the need to address your FEARS and look them in the face. Is your shyness a case of poor self esteem, related to something from a childhood bullying experence, do you worry too much, are you scared of what people think of you when you speak? If you need help and assistance with overcoming shyness, commit yourself to overcoming it step by step, then once and for all.
One thing that had worked for me 20 years ago was a Fashion/Modelling Course I had enrolled in. I wanted to try something to help me work on facing my insecurities and to force myself to mingle with other persons looking to grow too. I never thought of becoming a model but I wanted this Challenge to help me grow. I remember I was the tiniest person in the course. My look was not typical model like but I remember that the best thing in the course is when they made us stand up and talk in public, to have the courage to walk up and down a catwalk and just EMPOWER YOURSELF to BE YOURSELF.
I do recommend you look for something that will push you out of your comfort zone. Do this WHEN YOU ARE READY to OVERCOME SHYNESS. Do it with love for yourself and for the future you wish to build.
Tip no #4: LET GO MORE OFTEN
Have you ever relaxed from everything and LET GO? Have you ever stepped on a public bus and let it take you somewhere and then stop when you FEEL IT? And then experience THE MOMENTS, talking to strangers, helping someone cross the street, smiling at everyone and feeling the excitement of the UNKNOWN? When you are SHY, you are usually not confident to do these things on your own. You need a buddy. You need support. BUT if you wish to try to overcome your shyness, try to LET GO MORE OFTEN and ACCEPT that whatever will be will be 😉 You will be surprised at how many beautiful things happen when you are open to the energies of the universe and you Open Up More.
The next time you are presented with a social opportunity that is not your usual scene, go out on a limb and give it a try – will you? Close your eyes and imagine I’m there with you in spirit…telling you GO ON .. You can do this!! Ok? xxx
Tip no #5: Let the Past Be a Lesson for What’s To Come
How many times have I been rejected by people I admired or by someone I loved? I used to take the heart break soooo badly that my heart literally ached for months. Thank goodness I always had my dancing and sports hobbies to help me release my pains, but my shyness suffered from rejection. Nowadays, because my mindset is totally different, I overcome disappointments very quickly allowing myself to focus on all the lessons learnt to be able to move on swiftly and strongly.
Don’t allow past hurts to rule your future. We cannot all please everyone and there are friends for everyone, so instead of allowing hurt to hold you back, find new friends who will appreciate you for who you are. Find friends who have a similar chemistry to yours. Remember that your closest friends are a reflection of your different aspects and your energies bounce off to eachother so Do Choose Your Loved ones and friends wisely and keep moving forward in a positive mindset, no matter what.
Tip no #6: Stop saying you are Shy& Socialise.
Why rub it in? If you are shy, don’t advertise it. If I meet you for the first time, I don’t know what s going on inside your head. Show me your strengths and your gifts and what you love to do. Don’t tell me you are shy. I recommend using affirmation statements such as “I am confident”, “I am cool, I am OK to speak my mind”. Repeat them in the car, at home, in the toilet, any moment you feel that dip in self confidence.. And get out there. Mingle and socialise. You know what is beautiful about our world? One of them is that .. because we are all so different and complicated in many ways, what is not good for the goose is amazing for the gander! So, there will always be a person you will feel more comfortable talking to than others. If you don’t TRY you will never KNOW. I’d better try and fail than NOT TRY! Get out more and Mingle my dear ones. The internet is a weird place to mingle. Get out physically as that is the REALITY of who you ARE. Not your social media feed. Don’t hide behind an Instagram page. Show Your true colours to the world.
Tip no #7: Get Inspired by role models.
It has always helped me to observe others to see what type of persons I enjoy being around. I suggest you identify some role models from any field, gender, race or beliefs. Study their behaviour, their stories, their habits and attitude these people and try to implement a few changes to assist you become less shy. If it is a friend you know or a public person who is offering their services, ask for help.
Most people would be glad to assist. I am one of them. If I had a mentor at the age of sixteen, I would have slayed my teenage years much more confidently!! Ask for help beautiful souls. It is wonderful and humbling experience to be a student from a person who has been through tonnes of problems of their own and to learn from them. I have some persons I look up to and I ask for help a lot.
I know this was a lengthy blog but I feel that this subject is one that is faced by both men and women and we just have to try to overcome it or learn to accept yourself as Shy and live with it. You always have that CHOICE. Both are OK 😉
Love you and wish you many adventures.